Hmm

[miss_ljv]

I had kind of a tough weekend in terms of my mood. I was irritable for a good portion of it, and at one point it was very obvious that I couldn't even handle making a choice on what I wanted to do. I was overwhelmed and just laid in bed and stared at the headboard for like 20 minutes. Then Steve and I went on a walk and talked about my issues. We determined that the problem is that I haven't been receiving enough alone time.

I love being with Steve. I love spending every minute of every day with him. But my brain needs recharge time. We have a very full schedule, which includes lots of seeing friends, and not to mention personal training, which is not very flexible. It gets to be a lot for me. I became so "full" this weekend that I kinda had an overload and my dummy pilot took over and made me do absolutely nothing until I got the bare minimum of charge back into my batteries.

Steve fully encouraged me to let him know if I need quiet time or alone time. He's amazing and completely understanding, and it actually kinda seemed like he had just been waiting for me to ask him for some "me" time, because he'd already figured out what my problem was and knew that if he suggested it I'd be all Noooo because that's what I do. And because I feel guilty even though that's what I need and he's totally fine with that. Steve knows that I get a lot less Leah time than in the past, because at least when I worked overnights I had like 6 hours to do all my Leah stuff to relax. I steal that time from my current job, but only in bits and pieces and under penalty of feeling like a bad employee. So. From now on I will work to ask for time when I need it.

I feel a lot better about that now.

Comments

[silver-tiamat.livejournal.com]

The key to a healthy relationship is feeling safe enough to be honest about your feelings, regardless of what those are. Sometimes it's a lot harder to say, "Golly, I really feel like I need to not necessarily see LESS of you, but MORE of just me" than it seems. Still, time on your own is good, especially if you like your time to be focused sometimes.

That being said, I hope things keep working out for you guys! The work/couple time thing definitely has to be worked out thoughtfully. =/ Good lucks!

[miss-ljv.livejournal.com]

"Not less of you, but MORE of me" is EXACTLY how to describe it. It definitely wasn't something I discovered and then simmered on; I simply didn't know what was wrong! And this scenario - one in which I'm randomly upset or irritable and I have no idea why which then makes me more upset - has been occurring more and more frequently, and not only when Steve's around. As soon as I thought of it (after staring at the wall for awhile) I decided to bring it up on our walk (which Steve had originally planned on taking alone because he thought I needed more time to stare). He fully encouraged me to say ANY TIME if I need some "me" time, and this was tested this weekend when on Saturday after a very busy morning (and incredibly busy Friday night after a looooong day at work) I decided I wanted to nap. And I napped for at least 2 hours. I was exhausted. And he didn't mind :) He just played El Shaddai next to me and patiently waited until I was ready to rejoin the fun.

Our relationship is fantastic and I think we work really well together. I can't remember the last time we had an argument - it had to be in June or something, and that was a big one. He is incredibly understanding and we both try to be as communicative as we can. Weee! ^_^

[miss-ljv.livejournal.com]

Haha, thanks for the advice :D The way that I've been finding is helpful for me is thinking, "What do I REALLY want to do right now?" and sort of focusing on that thought quietly. Because there are like 50 things I want to be doing! I want to play video games and I want to knit and I want to continue to practice learning crochet and I want to waste time on the computer and watch a movie. So I sit and think about what I want to do RIGHT NOW. It's been working pretty well, interestingly. :)